New River Gorge
Greetings. I am not a computer. We will gather necessary utensils for the ascension of natural geological phenomenon and then perform said ascension in the style of Top Rope or Sport as permitted by our articulated joints. This ‘adventure’ is open to all skill levels, though we cannot guarantee the availability of routes graded below 5.8. They are not common. I will do our best. I will calculate the optimal crag based on a number of factors including group skill level, weather, and an algorithmic analysis of Mountain Project commentary. We will maximize enjoyment across all metrics. Greetings.
I will also instruct any who wish to learn the way of the sport climb. I am a human. You will need to provide sustenance for your physical form in the way of food, water, or 36 D-cell batteries that will last a full day of strenuous exertion.
You must also cloth yourself with what is necessary to keep interior body temperature within a sustainable range surrounding 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit. I am incapable of empathy; you will be left behind if necessary for the overall survival of the group.
The Outdoors Club will provide any gear that you do not possess.
As is typical of NRG, individual transportation to and from West Virginia is organized via a shared ‘carpool’ trip. I will provide transportation from Ray’s to the crag and back. As stated previously, you provide food, water, and appropriate garb. The club provides any climbing gear you lack. Greetings.