***IMPORTANT: WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ MAY CHANGE THE CLUB FOREVER***
The Shrezidents haven’t responded to anyone’s messages or shown up for any of their classes for the past 3 days. Anytime their phones ring, they either don’t answer or only speak in mysterious chittering sounds. At first, we thought it was a problem with their wifi, but every executive we’ve sent to the shrack hasn’t returned. Deciding to take a different approach, we sent an investigation team outside the shrack and they noticed scratch marks all over the walls. Coming to a grim realization, we realized. THEY’RE BACK.
The shrack rats have come back for revenge on the shrezidents and have taken control of the outdoors club. Over the past day, several sightings have been reported of “rats of significant size” using club equipment. Two “rats of significant size” and the infamous shrack lizard were seen leading a beginner mountain biking trip on the Ohill trails. Another instance involved a trip posted under Parker’s name; however, the entire trip description read: “Squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak lead belay squeak squeak squeak im parker.”
The officer corps has decided to temporarily shut down all club activities while we search for our beloved shrezidents. Currently, we believe that the rats dug a hole from the stormdrain system to the basement, and have taken the squeakidents – I mean shrezidents, hostage somewhere nearby. We are collaborating with the local police to conduct a rathunt and bring our shrezidents home.
Squeak, Love, and Dirt,
Gabe and the remaining officers
P.S. Ratfton